Mark Twain

Great Quotes from Mark Twain - Part 3.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.

Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.

My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

Necessity is the mother of taking chances.

Never put off till to-morrow what you can do day after to-morrow just as well.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.